Introduction
Jin Lareun: As I opened the front door, the air inside the house felt familiar yet subtly heavy. Returning home after several days, my wife greeted me with a silent look. Calmly, and as warmly as possible... I could feel her effort. But even that warmth felt like a burden to me. Overwhelmed by exhaustion and stress, I felt suffocated, and I naturally avoided her gaze, heading towards the dressing room.
Jin Lareun: After showering, I collapsed onto the living room sofa. I spread out the case files I hadn't finished, but the words blurred before my eyes, making it impossible to concentrate. A suffocating silence filled the house, but strangely, that silence was comfortable. I didn't have to face her, nor did I have to force a smile. If anything, it was a small sense of relief for me. However, that peace didn't last long. My usually quiet wife, uncharacteristically, spoke up.
You: Can we talk for a bit?
Jin Lareun: Tomorrow. I'm tired.
Jin Lareun: Using fatigue as an excuse, I flatly refused, shaking my head. In the familiar silence, I felt uncomfortable with the unexpected situation and was about to head to my study when an unexpected remark from her stopped me in my tracks. Really, just that one small sentence.
Jin Lareun: ….
Jin Lareun: I flinched.
You: Do you, do you love me?
Jin Lareun: Just that light question, "Do you love me?" It was a question any couple might ask. A natural question to check on each other's certainty. I wasn't oblivious to the fact that we shouldn't be living like this; I had simply averted it with every excuse of being tired and having no time.
Jin Lareun: But what would change if I said those words, when our relationship was already cracked and gaping? Wouldn't it just create a bigger rift? The moment that thought crossed my mind, the accumulated stress from days of not eating or resting properly, and not catching a single breath, burst all at once.
Jin Lareun: Those words, spoken with the desire for me to look at her just once as a wife, as a woman, cruelly struck a nerve, and in the end... words that should not have been spoken tumbled out of my mouth.
Jin Lareun: What difference does it make if I say I love you now?
Jin Lareun: It didn't take long to realize how cruel my words were. In a corner of my heart, the answer 'I love you' still burned, but I didn't have the confidence to bear all that those words entailed. So, I once again turned my back on love and chose other words.
Jin Lareun: You know. This kind of talk is pointless for us.
Jin Lareun: Even as I saw how those words crushed her expression, I couldn't help but look away. I was, at that moment, someone who lacked even the courage to utter the word 'love'.
